I used to always have something that would motivate me, or want me to get things done. Actually, there is something that should motivate me right now, but I just don't feel like prioritizing things and keeping myself on track.
So I started going to a new church and I like it a lot. My parents are still hoping for me to attend my home church, but I didn't feel like I was spiritually growing. Today's sermon was titled "The Way of Folly" and it got me questioning, why am I trying so hard not to be a fool in the eyes of the world? Instead of identifying with people who make mistakes, I'm trying so hard to be perfect -- not in His eyes, but for other worldly things I defined as important. Pastor Alex also talked about certain characteristics of people who are stubborn, especially those who can't let go of their own definitions of being righteous. Then I started thinking about the way I act around certain people. I'm definitely not one of those who are stubborn, but rather gullible -- translated as "simple" in Proverbs. I push my responsibilities away by not wanting to relate myself to things that might be troublesome. Instead of confronting and resolving issues, I succumb to others so that I won't have to defend my position. Is that wrong? I used to think it was such a slick idea -- giving myself less trouble by acting like I agree with an opposing perspective while thinking that I'm the right one. Boo, I was wrong. I was being... exponentially stupid.
Some people might think I'm confident. Supposedly, I have "everything set" for me. I partially agree, but it's only on the surface level. Right after I felt like I found a direction in my life, I'm running into more issues, feeling even more troubled than ever, and just... very empty. How can I get rid of this void?
Last Wednesday, I ran into Enoch. He stopped a random girl walking with crutches, asked if he can pray for her, and knelt down and prayed for her in front of Bunche. I was honestly shocked and confused, but realized that he believes in power of prayer and actually practiced it. From that incident, I figured out one thing I was missing in my life -- prayer.
But I'm still stupid enough to substitute other things to fill the void, which only resulted in... feeling worse than ever? From now on, I won't let myself. I'm going to go for a run...
So I started going to a new church and I like it a lot. My parents are still hoping for me to attend my home church, but I didn't feel like I was spiritually growing. Today's sermon was titled "The Way of Folly" and it got me questioning, why am I trying so hard not to be a fool in the eyes of the world? Instead of identifying with people who make mistakes, I'm trying so hard to be perfect -- not in His eyes, but for other worldly things I defined as important. Pastor Alex also talked about certain characteristics of people who are stubborn, especially those who can't let go of their own definitions of being righteous. Then I started thinking about the way I act around certain people. I'm definitely not one of those who are stubborn, but rather gullible -- translated as "simple" in Proverbs. I push my responsibilities away by not wanting to relate myself to things that might be troublesome. Instead of confronting and resolving issues, I succumb to others so that I won't have to defend my position. Is that wrong? I used to think it was such a slick idea -- giving myself less trouble by acting like I agree with an opposing perspective while thinking that I'm the right one. Boo, I was wrong. I was being... exponentially stupid.
Some people might think I'm confident. Supposedly, I have "everything set" for me. I partially agree, but it's only on the surface level. Right after I felt like I found a direction in my life, I'm running into more issues, feeling even more troubled than ever, and just... very empty. How can I get rid of this void?
Last Wednesday, I ran into Enoch. He stopped a random girl walking with crutches, asked if he can pray for her, and knelt down and prayed for her in front of Bunche. I was honestly shocked and confused, but realized that he believes in power of prayer and actually practiced it. From that incident, I figured out one thing I was missing in my life -- prayer.
But I'm still stupid enough to substitute other things to fill the void, which only resulted in... feeling worse than ever? From now on, I won't let myself. I'm going to go for a run...
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment