Another blog?

Man... I've flirted with xanga, livejournal, blogspot, and now I started another blog. It's called tumblr, and I feel like it's for a mature crowd in the world of internet blogging. I honestly don't know why I'm making another blog, but just to let everyone know http://hariwon.tumblr.com/

Hera Yoon

Hera Yoon, this blog post is dedicated to you.

Remember the first time I met you in KASEO? You were the Program Coordinator (PC) and I used to think you were so mature and well-put together. 

Remember that time when you encouraged me to apply to be an intern for KASEO after my first tutor reflection on our walk back to Dykstra?

Remember during my interview, I specifically requested not to be a PC intern, but you ended up picking me anyway? But it was quite an experience...

Remember how you ALWAYS manage to make fun of me regardless of the situation, 100%, ALL THE TIME... it's pretty ridiculous but I love it! 

I would write at least 10 more things about you, but I am pretty ________ right now. We definitely had a tame advanture tonight. I love it! I'm emailing Akilesh (the cute couple we met tonight) tomorrow morning with a link to BCD yelp page. Don't you love me..............

Thanks for being one of my few faitful readers of this blog. I update for you.

With much love,

Hari

Let's think about this

Lots of things pissed me off today. BUT no one likes a disgruntled person...

I'm going to wake up with a smile on my face (hopefully it doesn't feel too awkward or weird doing it) tomorrow.

When I was little, my mom always told me that painting my finger nails is very unlady-like. She said that classy ladies don't paint their finger nails, especially dark and flashy colors. Being the obedient daughter I am, I never dared to even try different color nail polish at drug stores. But at some point, I had this sudden urge to be the rebel. Now that I'm 22, my mom can't nag me for painting my finger nails, so I just decided to try it out. 

I picked a dark cranberry color, almost black, nail polish named "Pat on the Black." When I put on the first layer, the color wasn't very pretty. It looked really watered down, so I decided to put on another layer. I remember someone saying that you need to put two layers to make sure the color comes out pretty. Then I put on the top coat. I waited about 30 minutes - 1 hour for it to dry. I was pretty happy that it was successful with no mess-ups. 

I even went out at night and when I got home, my nails were still pretty. BUT when I woke up this morning, it was ALL MESSED UP. There are unknown scratches everywhere on my nails and it looks like I painted it 2-3 weeks ago.

Despite what happened, I still want to give it another try. "Pat on the Black" - I got you next time.

Coffee cake

I also want to brag about my coffee cake... because I baked it from scratch (with Pamela's help). 

My realization:

Baking is hard. I should stick with cooking Korean food.

New camera

Just to make a separate blog entry to brag about my new camera - CANON SD 1100 IS. I think it's the same one as Christine Bae's. My uncle got it for my brother but I just took it from him. He said he doesn't need a camera, so good for me! A new camera wahooooooooo I'm going to take pictures like Bae and capture every moment of my senior year :)

NOT STUDYING

I finished my midterm last Friday and it feels so good. So so sosososososoososososoososos good that I don't have another midterm until 8th week. Yeehaw!

So it was my mom's birthday this Saturday. My mom is the best. The funniest moment of her birthday was when my family was singing the happy birthday song to her (my brother got sweet potato cake from Paris Baguette), because she was so loud. I've never seen her so into singing a song until last night. My dad, brother, and I were just like "sang il chook ha hap ni dah~" very quietly but she went ALL out. My mom's pretty cute. 

I feel like I'm gunna pass out and it's only 12:20 AM. But you know what.... I don't even care what I look like at school tomorrow. Just gotta slap on some workout clothes. YAY!

MY WEEKEND WAS SO UNPRODUCTIVE. UGH. 

And why are there so many birthdays in April? I had at least 5+ birthday "things" I needed to attend so far. Wow, can it get anymore overwhelming?

I remember when Pastor Alex said something along the lines of learning to say "no" to all those things. I definitely did not accomplish that this past weekend...

HAPPY WEEK 4 -- it's also my last "week 4" as an undergrad at UCLA... I probably won't come back here for graduate school, but it is so surreal that most of the things I'm doing these days will be one of the last's. 

What more do I want to do before I leave UCLA, although I'm stuck in Westwood for at least next 2 years of my life? 

The art of interviewing

So far, I think I've gone on at least 30+ interviews, including first, second, and occasional third rounds for internship, full-time positions, etc. I had always been the one to be interviewed, but I got to be on the other side of the table for AAP today. About 25 people applied for 4 available tutor positions -- WOW, such competition. I don't even think there was anyone else who applied to tutor Econ 101 except me when I applied during my third year... 

Basically, most of the interviews went like this:

1) Greeting: Hi, how are you? Please have a seat. How's your day going? (then the small talk continues)

2) Introduction: I'd like to introduce myself before we begin. My name is Hari and I'm currently a 4th year majoring in Math/econ and I've been tutoring Econ 101 for 5 quarters.

3) Ask questions: What are your strengths and weaknesses as a tutor? What three words would describe you the best? If ______ happened during your tutoring session, what would you do? (many other behavioral/situation questions)

4) Mock tutoring: Pretend that you are a tutor. Teach a lesson for 5 minutes.

5) Closing: Thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you in five days. 

I interviewed about 8 people and realized that interviewing someone is very subjective. It's all about whether or not you like that person. I was thinking inside how biased interviews are, but also realized that I like interviewees who are good, meaning they communicate their ideas clearly (which is very important to be a tutor), outgoing, good personality, energetic, etc. 

I also realized that it's not the best idea to be the last person to be interviewed for the day. By the time I was done interviewing the 4th candidate, I was so tired and hungry that I got kind of cranky. Sorry, if I was mean to you or snapped at you today... In addition, I really didn't want to mention this, but I'm just going to say it anyway -- it definitely helps to be presentable in terms of looks. For example, you don't necessarily need to be the best looking person in the world to get a job, but it definitely helps to have a good smile and a clean-cut look. 

Hmmm, hope I'm making sense. I'm so tired. It's 10:51 PM and I think I'm going to hit the bed in 30 minutes. 

YAY FOR THE WEEKEND (which will/should be filled with lots of number theory...)

It's been decided....

I'm going to be in San Francisco this summer! 

It's funny how things just fell into place for me. I am.... SO STOKED! HERE I COME, THE "CITY" LIFE :)

I feel like I'm such a bad sister to my brother. 

It sucks that I don't know how to express my love for him. How can I be a better sister? What should I do? I know how to provide material things for him -- buy him the shortshift or whatever that is called, buy him this and that, give him allowances, etc., but I ultimately don't know how to let him know that I am truly thankful to have a brother like him... HOW? that is the question...

Seriously having some FML moments these days... I better hear some good news from the math department tomorrow or I think I'll probably go crazy... Okay that was a bit too dramatic but I really cannot afford to be in school any longer!

I'm going to try my best to be active this quarter in every aspect -- my college years are coming to an end soon! I was driving around the dorms today and felt like I was still a freshmen. Oh those good ol' days. I miss having all these older people around me to talk to, look up to, etc. I feel much comfortable being the younger one rather than the opposite. Sigh.

Time to go to sleep.

I feel another blog failure coming. I don't know why, but I just get really tired of writing. Maybe I need something to motivate me to write. 

Today was the first day of my last quarter at UCLA. Last quarter was supposed to be my last, but i I decided that I'm staying another quarter, not only because I was lazy and didn't want to study anymore, but also I didn't want to shorten the "best years" of my life. I think I made the right decision. Another stressful factor right now is getting into classes... sigh. Please let me in to Math 117. The professor was so hilarious -- Professor Enderton is the bomb! He was so funny when he proved the well-ordering theorem. I think I completely understand the idea of why there is the least element in any set of numbers. Booyah! Also while he was going over the inductive reasoning of proof, I was so happy because it's my favorite form of proof (maybe because it's so simple and easy!)

I actually went to another class before... Environmental studies/urban planning something. OMG I felt so lost in that class. Sure, I have the passion for saving the environment and want to be more aware of those issues, but I don't think I'm up to par with everything else who have made a conscious decision in their lifestyle to become more "green." I still waste paper and prefer to drive around than walk around. Time to make a Prius purchase? Not yet, though.

I want to learn to meditate. Kioshi was talking about the importance of meditation and I was so lost. How can you sit down and try to meditate without thinking about all the complicated things going on in life? I sorta tried to meditate today... and didn't work because I started thinking about all the stressors in my life -- then realized that I make life way harder than it actually is. 

So the goal of spring quarter is to make my life simple and stop stressing out... because there's no reason to.

Spring break was SO MUCH FUN... can't believe it's ending already. Eunjung came all the way fom Vancouver to see me <3 I felt so so so loved. She came on Tuesday, when I was still taking finals, which I felt incredible bad for, and we hung out in LA until Friday. It was seriously so much fun. I've never "partied" this hard, so I think my body had a difficult time. We spent Friday @ Stanford (MY FUTURE SCHOOL! HAHAHA) and I was super motivated to try harder in school -- too bad I only have one quarter left. I wish I started visiting schools like that early on. My grades would have been better, perhaps.

Maybe I should write a detailed update on my spring break when I get back to LA. I'm back home and too tired to do anything.

So today was a bit insane...

10-11 - danso class

11-12 - work

12-1:15 - geography 5

 1:15-2 - TA OH

2-5 - work

5-6 - dinner break

6-7 - studying, kinda

7-8 - meeting

OMG I feel like I'm going to crash right now...

22?

So I am now 22 as of last Thursday. I thought my 21st birthday was kinda big, so I wanted a quiet birthday... or a "normal" Thursday. I celebrated my 22nd at the library at 12 am. It was cool - think about it, when will I ever get to start my birthday at the library if not this year? Then I woke up for morning prayer, went to class, and had a event for Net Impact. The speaker series topic was regarding what businesses can do to ensure environmental sustainability. We had such a good turnout. The sponsored pizza from D'Amores was surprisingly good. A lot of things went well. I ended up at the library again at night. Friends came and surprised me and we went to Palomino's celebrations. I got my north face jacket now as a birthday present, so I'm really happy! 

Time for church... another normal Sunday. I have so much stuff to do...

MP?!

Morning prayer is always so good... such a great start to my day. But I'm tired as heck. About to fall asleep right now and got almost nothing done. 

I feel like I talked for five hours straight today. I actually did. During tutoring, one of my students said that I wrote stuff confusingly on the board and I got really offended. I usually laugh at myself and say sorry, but I just snapped at her today. WOW I feel so bad. I was wondering if I should've apologized to her, but we'll see what happens. If she keeps coming back to tutoring, then she has forgiven me. Otherwise, I was such a b*tch to her... Sorry, my-student-who-shall-remain-anonymous... I give you my secret blog apology. 

I met up with two other students for the career mentoring program. I was basically helping them out with resumes and it was so surprising to see the gap between those students who are so well-equipped with recruiting and those who aren't. I guess I was somewhere in between, but I had good friends who were helping me throughout the process. 

I'm scared of the peanut Salmonella? or something like that. I had thai vegan wrap today and it had peanuts. Man, I hope I don't get sick... People are even avoiding peanut butter because of that. 

Something exciting that will happen tomorrow: I get to take a new picture for my license! I look unusually dark on my current license picture that people ask if it's really me. I think I look the same though. 

I should go review more econ...... AH I was a failure for the midterm. UGH.

Sickness

For some reason, winter quarter is deadly to me. 

I remember freshmen year I stayed in the dorms for ONE weekend, with the exception of finals week, and no one knew I stayed, because I was SO SICK. I couldn't even get out of my room. I think I had three midterms and a paper due that week as well. 

Second year, I started getting stressed out a lot and got acid reflux on my stomach, which basically means that my stomach produces extra acid in times of stress. I went ot the ER for the first time in my life and waited for four hours. One of the funniest things with acid reflux is that I feel like I'm going to die for 2 hours, but the pain goes away completely afterwards. Basically, my 4 dear friends who came to the ER with me saw me crying in pain then completely fine. After I was treated by a cute Indian doctor, we went to Bruin Cafe and pigged out. 

During third year winter quarter, I was going through internship recruiting for the first time and I was emotionally traumatized. I hated myself, hated my life, hated everyone around me, etc. I developed a new sense of bitterness towards this world and wanted to quit everything... until I got an offer. Then life became good again - so good that I stopped studying spring quarter and received the lowest GPA of my entire life as a student.... 

So here goes my last year in college and my last winter quarter. I thought things were going well. But I was wrong. My body just reacts to the cold weather and my nose is starting to become runny. Not to mention the frequent questioning of why I exist in this world. I think I'm becoming more philosophical and religious, to a certain extent. What's happening to me?

Oh, winter quarter. It's already week 7?! I feel like starting college all over again. Just kidding about that. I want to start this quarter all over again. Just kidding about that, too. Live with no regrets! Yay!

I was reading my other secret blog, which has all my journals from high school sophomore year. OMG that was the most hilarious thing ever! I can't believe I was such a drama queen in high school. Maybe just kidding about the drama queen part, but yeah, reading my entries made me think I was quite the dramatic kid back then. 

I usually go home on the weekends thinking that I'm probably going to stay until Sunday night, but I always end up coming back on Saturday. My parents are kind of bummed that I don't spend much time at home, but I realized that all my family members have our own lives. My brother is busy hanging out with his friends, my mom always has stuff to do for work, church, etc., and my dad is either out golfing or at church. I honestly got sad thinking about it. I felt like an unwelcomed visitor at home who just comes to do laundry, which is what I basically do. My mom no longer waits for me to come home so we can do stuff together. I also saw that I am a lot more comfortable when I'm in my apartment. I sense more independence? or something like that. I guess it's just a part of growing up - no longer depending on parents for survival. I miss spending time with my family...

I am officially in a love-hate relationship with my Blackberry. I lost all the information, literally everything, on my Blackberry... AGAIN! It was pretty much my life. 

I don't even want to think about having to input everything on there again. But I must say, if used well, Blackberry is pretty much amazing...

OMG

I gained 8 lbs since recruiting was over................. I want to cry. I talked to Melody about it. She said I've been binging on desserts like no other because I've been stressed. Getting a job made me heavier. I'm going to go on a hardcore diet starting TODAY as in after dinner...

Responsible eating habits!!!!!

Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) is the most common name^[1] given to a poorly understood, variably debilitating disorder or disorders of uncertain causation. It is also commonly known as myalgic encephalomyelitis or ME.

Symptoms of CFS include widespread muscle and joint pain, cognitive difficulties, chronic, often severe mental and physicalexhaustion and other characteristic symptoms in a previously healthy and active person. Fatigue is a common symptom in many illnesses, but CFS is a multi-systemic disease and is relatively rare by comparison.^[2] Diagnosis requires a number of features, the most common being severe mental and physical exhaustion which is "unrelieved by rest," is worsened by exertion, and is present for at least six months. All diagnostic criteria require that the symptoms must not be caused by other medical conditions. CFS patients may report additional symptoms,^[3] including muscle weakness, cognitive dysfunction, hypersensitivity, orthostatic intolerance, digestive disturbances, depression, poor immune response, and cardiac and respiratory problems. It is unclear if these symptoms represent co-morbid conditions or are produced by an underlying etiology of CFS.^[4] Full resolution occurs in only 5-10% of cases.^[5]

CFS is thought to have an incidence of 4 adults per 1,000 in the United States.^[6] For unknown reasons, CFS occurs more often in women than men, and in people in their 40s and 50s.^[7][8] The illness is estimated to be less prevalent among children and adolescents,^[5] but studies are contradictory as to the degree.^{[citation needed]}There is no medical test which is widely accepted to be diagnostic of CFS. It remains a diagnosis of exclusion based largely on patient history and symptomatic criteria, although a number of tests can aid diagnosis.^[9]

Whereas there is agreement on the genuine threat to health, happiness, and productivity posed by CFS, various physicians groups, researchers, and patient activists promote different nomenclature, diagnostic criteria, etiologic hypotheses, and treatments, resulting in controversy about many aspects of the disorder. The name CFS itself is controversial, as advocacy groups as well as some experts feel it trivializes the illness and have supported efforts to change it. Many alternative names for chronic fatigue syndrome exist.

Done!

After two gruesome days of test-taking, I am finally done! But I don't think I did so well on both midterms. I didn't exactly cram, but I didn't fully prepare myself either. I just got so caught up with the intense studying. A few late nights at Powell and in the dorms. 

I explored the Target in Culver City. I wanted to go to the mall, but I wasn't in the mood to change, nor had the money to spend on clothes at this point. Good thing I get to deposit my sign-in bonus tomorrow :) I forgot about tithe - this weekend after I talk to my parents.

I feel like today is Friday. I also have to remind myself to go to Santa Monica DMV early Friday morning...

Reflecting on yesterday's sermon - I'm such a older child. I have Older Child Disorder...

One midterm down, one more to go. I can't believe I only studied the harder concepts which didn't really show up on the midterm... Wow, how can I screw myself over like this?! 

It's going to be a long night at Powell :(

Nausea

I can't believe I spent 11 hours at Powell yesterday... and I also can't believe that I woke up early (right now) to prepare for work...

For last night's dinner, I had In-N-Out. New discovery: crispy fries are SO GOOD. I want to get it again. 

I'm probably going to spend another 6+ hours studying in the dorms or at Powell. I'm still debating which location will be more productive for my studying, but I have a great study partner!!!

I want to fast foward three days of my life. Sigh. 

I also want to stop by Starbucks and get coffee - there was an article in the WSJ that Starbucks wants consumers to believe that they don't sell "expensive" coffee and get rid of their image as an "affordable luxury" provider. So their grande latte should cost less than $4? Hmmm, I know it is less than $4, but it just seems so expensive while I can spend the same amount of money on the ingredients and make 10+ cups of coffee at home on my own. Wait, I'm probably missing the espresso maker and don't know how to make foam...

Typical Saturday

... which includes KASEO! I sincerely enjoy being a part of KASEO. I hesitantly joined because of Sharon and Lydia and it's funny how I ended up interning, served on staff, and am continuing while both of my friends dropped out after one quarter. It first started as something to do since I wasn't involved in any organization in college. 

Honestly, a lot of it has been for the tutors, too -- in a sense that I'm meeting new people and making friends. However, today was one of those moments where I felt like I was there for my tutees. I'm tutoring two girls, Maria and Jessica, this quarter. They are so-called the popular 8th graders. I find it surprising that they like me (or I think...). They ask if I'm going to come back for the rest of school year and open up to me about a lot of stuff. Maria was worried that she was failing three classes and might not be able to go to high school. She's a smart girl, but lacks a bit of discipline. I told her to speak to her teachers and counselor to see if she can make up any work for extra credit, etc. She came to school even though she's on vacation due to track system. Tutoring the kids there makes me feel like I'm back in my junior high. Maybe that's why I care so much about motivating them to go to high school and college, because I felt the same when I was in their shoes. I'm looking forward to next Saturday when I get to see them again. 

I don't understand myself!

Why am I drinking coffee when I know I shouldn't be? Sometimes I feel like such a masochist, in a sense that I inflict pain (?) on myself when I know it will hurt me, physically. 

Another favorite song of mine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5_XTnFI6hQ&feature=related

The lyrics are so sad. I guess I can somehow relate it to myself? Same conversation I had, in the same context...

Not feeling well.

I've been feeling blah for the past week. On top of that, my stomach has been acting weird and I'm constantly tired...

I need to find pure joy in my life again. Restore me, please.

School is taking over my life...

I got so pissed last night while I was checking URSA, due to a $250 library fines. Supposedly I borrowed books that have $5/day late fee and returned them late. Isn't $5/day very unreasonable for poor college students? Simultaneously I looked at my checking account and it had $12.56. Good thing today is my payday.

Also, I was suffering from a very bad stomachache last night. I don't know why I felt so bloated when I'm getting so much fiber from all kinds of fruit. I had an apple, grapes, tangerines, a banana, etc. Maybe I was eating too much fruit? What is the definition of eating fruit in moderation? I got the same stomachache today during work. In the midst of furiously explaining (yes, I am quite passionate when I teach something) the Stackelberg model in imperfect competition, my stomach started hurting. I realized that I could no longer stand up and write stuff on the white board, so I decided to sit down. But how was I supposed to explain a complicated, or rather messy, algebraic formula involving two variables differentiated by a subscript in words? I think the students knew that I didn't feel so good, so I cut all my tutoring sessions by at least 10 minutes. I thought I was going to die... almost.

Then I figured maybe the pain was from hunger since I didn't have any proper meal today besides oatmeal in the morning. One of my students works at Ackerman, so I got a big salad for free. I spotted Rachel and her friend so I ate with them. I can't believe her friend's going to get married right after college. Rachel and I repeatedly congratulated her - possibly out of jealousy?

Net Impact meeting was pretty successful. I'm glad we're generating more interests and hopefully the lunch speaker series will go well. I think I really need to start praying about this one...

Now I need to go find a parking spot, start making my review sheet for Geography 5, and get at least 6+ hours of sleep. Then off to morning prayer tomorrow. Gee!

I still can't get over the fact that I had to delay my graduation by a quarter because of Math 110A: Abstract Algebra. I feel like a failure. I can't believe that I dropped a class because it was too hard! I'm still giving Algebra another try next quarter, though... You're going to get owned, Algebra.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F8UVkBoDLo: currently my favorite song. I wish I learned to download stuff from the world wide web... I just suck at computer-ish stuff. 

This quarter is one of the few quarters I get to take a class with a friend... Jeehae! I'm so glad that she's in my class, not only because I copied the whole textbook from her, because I sincerely enjoy her company. I also like going to her apartment, which of course entails seeing Jane and Christine. I think each apartment has its own dynamics and it's just good to be at their apartment. I think my apartment dynamics can be described as 50% okay and 50% awkward... I don't know why. 

I had a semi-productive day. I also realized that I don't study as much. With two midterms and a paper coming up next week, I'm pretty much going to ace all of them... not. 

One of my favorite things is waking up early naturally. Going to morning prayer then have 2-3 hours of free time where I get to read the Bible, plan my day/week, catch up with people, study, and do whatever I feel like. I still do that, but definitely not as disciplined as before. 

Before I go to sleep, I plan on completing my geography review with Jeej, maybe practice some danso, finishing my econ homework, and studying. Maybe I'll go workout? 

Busy?

I guess I've been kept busy, despite taking two "real" classes and an on-campus part-time job, I don't seem to have that much free time.

I went to the gym today after my geography lecture. Luckily I didn't have to wait in line to go on the ellipticals. In the midst of a daily 30-minute workout session, I wondered if I'm actually doing this for my own health. Of course it's good to be healthy, but do I really need to work out when my right knee has been hurting for the past week or so? One thing I enjoy about going to the gym is that I feel more energized and productive, not to mention the convenience of slapping on some workout clothes to class.

Spending extra 10 minutes on the ellipticals is making me very tired... It's not even 12 yet and my eyelids feel heavy already. Time for a chapter of Max Lucado's A Love Worth Giving and sleep!

Self reminder

Write more blog entries -- so that I can keep track of my life and not forget things I want to remember. A lesson learned from Jane's consistent xanga entries. 

At the age of 21, almost going on 22, I got back into this online blogging business. Somewhat embarrassed, too, but hey, it's better than nothing.

Annoyed?

What is wrong with me these days? I think the only song that depicts my mood swings is Stacie Orrico's "More to Life."

I used to always have something that would motivate me, or want me to get things done. Actually, there is something that should motivate me right now, but I just don't feel like prioritizing things and keeping myself on track.

So I started going to a new church and I like it a lot. My parents are still hoping for me to attend my home church, but I didn't feel like I was spiritually growing. Today's sermon was titled "The Way of Folly" and it got me questioning, why am I trying so hard not to be a fool in the eyes of the world? Instead of identifying with people who make mistakes, I'm trying so hard to be perfect -- not in His eyes, but for other worldly things I defined as important. Pastor Alex also talked about certain characteristics of people who are stubborn, especially those who can't let go of their own definitions of being righteous. Then I started thinking about the way I act around certain people. I'm definitely not one of those who are stubborn, but rather gullible -- translated as "simple" in Proverbs. I push my responsibilities away by not wanting to relate myself to things that might be troublesome. Instead of confronting and resolving issues, I succumb to others so that I won't have to defend my position. Is that wrong? I used to think it was such a slick idea -- giving myself less trouble by acting like I agree with an opposing perspective while thinking that I'm the right one. Boo, I was wrong. I was being... exponentially stupid.

Some people might think I'm confident. Supposedly, I have "everything set" for me. I partially agree, but it's only on the surface level. Right after I felt like I found a direction in my life, I'm running into more issues, feeling even more troubled than ever, and just... very empty. How can I get rid of this void?

Last Wednesday, I ran into Enoch. He stopped a random girl walking with crutches, asked if he can pray for her, and knelt down and prayed for her in front of Bunche. I was honestly shocked and confused, but realized that he believes in power of prayer and actually practiced it. From that incident, I figured out one thing I was missing in my life -- prayer.

But I'm still stupid enough to substitute other things to fill the void, which only resulted in... feeling worse than ever? From now on, I won't let myself. I'm going to go for a run...